8/30/2012 05:17:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.

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Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: “No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.”

8/30/2012 05:16:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »



One lady is telling to a girl, “Do you know what is the secret of being young?
The girl told, “May be take care of skin.
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The lady told, “No, the secret of being young is sleep the right numbers of hours, go with the right crowed, eat right food and tell the WRONG AGE.”

8/28/2012 09:26:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he got it. He told them to leave him alone and let him get some sleep.

However, they persisted until he finally gave in. "Okay, follow me," he said as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!" all the other bats screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," shouted the blood soaked bat, "because I didn't!"

8/27/2012 09:05:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
एक बार बंता की टूटी हुई टांग देख कर संता, बंता से पूछता है;

संता: तुम्हारी टांग कैसे टूट गई?

बंता: क्या बताऊं यार, कल दारू कम पी थी ना इसलिए!

संता: क्या मतलब, दारू कम पीने से टांग कैसे टूट सकती है?

बंता: सीधी सी बात है, अगर मैंने छक कर पी होती तो मैं ठेके पर ही लुढक गया होता, अब चूंकि कम पी थी इसलिए घर की ओर चल पड़ा और रास्ते में एक गड्ढे में गिर गया!

8/24/2012 10:58:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Why did your sister wear a wet shirt all day ?
Because the label said, 'Wash and Wear.'

8/22/2012 11:36:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
SomeOne..
MiSSES U..
NeeDS U..
Worries About U
Lonely Without U
Guess Who?
THE MONKEY IN
... THE ZOO ..

8/22/2012 10:52:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But — The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

8/21/2012 10:51:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Ek sahebji ghabraye hue aaye aur biwi se bole: “Begam, aaj main office se aa raha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…!”
Itne mein unki bachhi bol uthi: “Mummy, Shyam ne meri gudiya tod di hai.” Pati ne phir kehna shuru kiya “Haan toh begam, main keh raha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…..!”
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Itne mein unka ladka bola: “Mummy, Rita ne meri car tod di hai.”
Biwi ghusse mein aakar boli: “Bhagwan ke liye tum sab chup ho jao, mujhe pehle gadhe ki baat sun lene do..!”

8/19/2012 11:20:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?

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Woman: Yes, An Amazing Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

8/19/2012 11:16:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
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Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

8/19/2012 11:14:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Two guys chatting in a bar:
First guy: Tell me three fastest ways of communication? But hey, the first three letters gotta be “Tel”.
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Second guy
: Well, lemme see, Telephone, Television…ummm…

The second guy starts to think about other possibilites.
First guy: Okay, I’ll tell you, the fastest means of Communication : 1. Tele-Phone 2. Tele-Vision 3.Tell something to a Woman and if you still want it to be way FASTERTell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

8/19/2012 01:53:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board:

"Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

A week later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

8/19/2012 01:47:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Anath Ashram Manager to Bania:
Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte ho ?

Funny Bania: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu

8/13/2012 12:14:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Papa Beti Joke
Ek Bap beti se kaha: Pehle to tum mujhko papa kahte the ab dady kuyn kahte hoo, Kiya wajah hia ?
Beti Bap se kaha: Papa kehne se mera lipstick jo kharab hoo jati hai!
Marriage Propose Joke
Pappu & Chandni ek restaurant pe:
Pappu: Maine last bar puch raha hoon, tum mujhse shadi karogi?
Chandni: Nahi!
Pappu: Soch lo!
Chandni: Keh diya na nahi,
Pappu: Waiter bill alag alag lana

8/11/2012 02:47:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
There were 2 Sardar Jees going for fishing. One of the Sardar Jee notices a boy drowning. He looks up to the sky and says “Hey Raba please protect the small boy
The other Sardar Jee bravely gets up and dives into the water to rescue the boy.
Fishing
When the Sardar Jee gets near to the boy he notices lot of people has surrounded him.
The Sardar Jee asks nervesuoly “Oh Gee Hoya?
The man, who was a producer replies “Tu meri shooting kurab gurthee

8/08/2012 07:17:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.


The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.


'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.


Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.


'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'


'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!'

8/07/2012 08:38:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A girl introduces her boy friend to his father, “Dad I told you about him.”
Father asked the boy, “So,you wanna become my son-in-law?”
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The boy replied, “Not really sir, but this is the only way to marry your daughter!”

8/06/2012 08:46:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Generous lawyer A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"


The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"


Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."


The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"


The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.


"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"


The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."


On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

8/01/2012 10:56:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A tourist from United States comes to visit India and he sees a sardar. He asked a question to him:
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Tourist: Any great men born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!

8/01/2012 10:52:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A man and his girlfriend were engaged to be married. Before they could tie the knot they both died in a car crash. When they got to heaven they met St Peter at the gate.
They pleaded with St Peter to please find a minister and allow them to get married. Each year they made the same plea and each year they were refused.
Finally after 10 years they were allowed to marry.
After several years they realized it wasn't going to work and this time pleaded with St Peter to please allow them to divorce. He said, "Are you kidding? It took us 10 years to find a minister that was in heaven to marry you, how long do you think its going to take to find a lawyer?"
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