1/31/2012 07:59:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president.

"Two words"

"And, Sir,what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"

"One word."

"And,sir, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions"

1/30/2012 06:42:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Ek metting hoti hai uss metting mein sirf sardar hi sardar thay. Sare sardar iss baat par behas kar rahe thai ki sirf sardaro par hi jokes kyun bantain hai aur kisi par kyun nahi. Iss mein se ek sardar utha or bola ki main iske bare mein pata lagaounga.

Who iske liye America gaya aur waha ke president se mila aur bola ki sirf sardaron par hi jokes kyun banay jantain hai. Toh president bola ki main suna hai ki sardar mein mind kam hota hai.
Ye sunte hi sardar ko ghussa aagaya. President ne kaha ki main proof kar sakta hoon. Sardar bola kaise???
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President: Acha bataon mere ghar mein main, meri bivi, mere bache, par thisra koun? Bohot sochne samajhne ke baad bhi sardar uske sawalo ka jawab nahi de paya.
Toh president ne jawab diya ki who thisra kon?… main Mister Clinton. Jawab leker sardar wapas aagaya phir metting bethi. Sabhi ne kaha kya tumne pata lagaya. Toh sardar ne kha ki haa. Hampe jokes iss liye bantain hai ki haam bewakuph hotain hai.
Yeh suntain hi waha par bethai sabhi sardar pinak gaye par unko shant karte hue sardar bola ki usne proof kiya hai. Chalo main tum sab se ek sawal karta hoon ki mere ghar mein main, meri bivi, mere bache, par thisra koun? Sabhi shochne lage par koi jawab nahi de paya tab sardar bola, “Are bhai thisra koun woh Mister Clintona

1/29/2012 03:03:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »



Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:
Q: What is you father name?
Pathan: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
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Pathan: Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan: I want to use My last life line “Phone a friend.”
Kisko call karengy?
Pathan: Apne baap dilawar ko!

1/29/2012 08:13:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A tramp, after a day or two in the hustling, bustling town of Denver, shook the Denver dust from his boots with a snarl.

"They must be durn lazy people in this town. Everywhere you turn they offer you work to do."

1/26/2012 07:42:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the atmosphere, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make an offering.
"Great idea!" the chicken replied. "Let's offer them ham and eggs!"
"Not so fast," said the pig. "For you, that's an offering. For me, it's a sacrifice."

1/23/2012 05:49:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next!"
 
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.  ;-)

1/23/2012 08:04:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
What is the difference between Doctors and Lawyers?
Because of mistakes Lawyers make, someone might end up hanging 6 feet above.
Because of the mistakes Doctors make, someone might end up buried 6 feet below

1/22/2012 07:30:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
One Sunday morning, Rabbi Rabbinovitz goes to visit Samuel Lyons. "Shalom, Sam. I’ll come straight to the point. I’ve come here because our synagogue needs your help. You’ve been a member for over 20 years and I realise that you’re always quick to pay your membership fees in full. But as you are aware, we are in a financial crisis. I've come here to ask you for a little extra for the new school building fund." "How much are you looking to get from me - how big is little?" asks Sam. "I’ll be honest. £10,000 would be a tremendous help to us," replies the Rabbi." Sam responds, "Rabbi, my daughter Rebecca is soon getting married and she has asked me for £25,000 to help her buy that house she saw in Hampstead. And my son David is just starting at Manchester University and he wants £25,000 to see him through the difficult first year there. My wife Sadie wants a hysterectomy and she has asked for £30,000 for the doctors’ fees and in-patient facilities. And that’s not all. You know from your own experience that to keep my mother in a nursing home, they are asking £35,000. So Rabbi, if I can say 'no' to them, I can say 'no' to you."

1/18/2012 08:01:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

1/17/2012 07:57:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training.
Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech which, went over well.
About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that wa not my wife!"
His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!

1/17/2012 07:53:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Santa: waiter, ek coffee laana. kitna hai?
Waiter: 50 Rs.
Santa: saamnewaali dukhaan main to 50 ps hai
Waiter: woh xerox dukhaan hai sir

1/16/2012 06:09:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Two ants were sitting on the tree after taking a lunch.An elephant runs below the tree because of which one ant fell down on that elephant.Then the other ant said "daba saale ko"

1/14/2012 10:40:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Q1. Prasad ask’s Kumble to bring a pepsi… Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?why ??
Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener
Q2. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie ‘heart is umbrella’. Which movie did he really want to see?
Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai!
Q3. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
Q4. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ?? Socho……………
Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

1/12/2012 08:29:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey's human family, "Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the family.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the vet.
All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male and female brains?"
"Standard pricing practice," said the vet. "The female brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used!".

1/10/2012 08:52:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »




Wife: Aji suniye, mujhe kisi mehengi jaga le ke chaliye na ji….
Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao…
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Guess where he took her….
………
……..
…..
….
…
..
.
.
.
.
Petrol pump!!!

1/08/2012 01:30:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday!!!

Husband: Why?

Wife: I gave him food yesterday and today he gifted me a book "How to Cook"!

1/07/2012 09:06:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can
get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, " How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full
of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long
before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says,
"About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.

The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop
and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."

1/06/2012 01:30:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs.10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7.50

"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."


A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.

"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.

"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"


"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."


"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.

"Four," the man replies.

"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."

1/02/2012 11:28:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Ladki valentine ko Archies Gallary me …..
Ladki : Aisa card hai jispe likha ho mein sirf tumse aur sirf tumse pyar karti hu!
Man : Mil jayega.
girl buying card
Ladki :2 darjan pack kar do.

1/01/2012 02:44:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Happy New Year To All!
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