12/30/2013 08:15:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
There were two brothers at aged 12 & 8. They were so naughty and always people comes with complain to their parents. Parents became very fed-up and they have taken them to the mental doctor.
Doctor firstly call 12 years boy and asked him “Tell me where is god?” The boy keep himsilence. Then doctor again with loud voice asked him “Tell me where is God?”.
brothers.jpg
The boy suddenly ran away and went to his home and hide himself in his cloth cupboard.
When another brother saw that he also ran away after him and reached to the home and asked “Brother what doctor asked you and why you ran away?”
The elder brother said, “God is missing and everybody thinking that we did it”

12/26/2013 03:51:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Wife: Why are you waiting here?
Husband: Sher ka shikar karne ja raha hoon mere darling!
donhunt.jpg
Wife: Toh jao naa khade kyu ho!
Husband: Kaise jaau.. Bahar kutta jo khada hai!

12/19/2013 07:45:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunk at a bar and tells him, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink."
The man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

12/13/2013 08:13:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
The mother says to her daughter, "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
The daughter answers, "First day? Do you mean I have to go back again tomorrow?"

12/07/2013 06:59:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Papa : Beta, har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character thik ho jayega…
father-and-son.jpg
Beta : Lekin Papa fir aap ka character ka kya hoga..??

12/01/2013 06:59:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Police: Where do u live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With Me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: You won't believe me if I tell you.
Police: Tell Me!
Me: Next to my house.

11/29/2013 08:20:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”
“My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.”
“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.
“Then in September,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90,000.”
“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”
20264864thm.jpg
“And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.”
“Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.”
“Then this month,” continued, the friend, “absolutely nothing!”

11/16/2013 07:18:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
"When are you getting married to your girlfriend?"
"I would have already, if it weren't for her family."
"Her family?"
"Her husband and three kids."

11/03/2013 08:00:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Ek aurat apne beta ko doctor ke pass le jaati hai aur bolti hai mera beta bike se gir gaya.
londa.jpg
Doctor: I don’t know hindi. Tell me in english
Aurat: My londa gironda from hero honda.

11/01/2013 06:31:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Santa is driving down a road and sees a sign that says, “Watch for Fallen Rocks.”
A few kilometres later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks them up.
Highway
When he gets to the next town, he carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office and puts them on the counter.
“Here are your fallen rocks,” he says to the man behind the counter. “Now where is my watch?”.

10/26/2013 06:26:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »

Q: What did the little tree say to the big tree?
A: Leaf me alone!

10/24/2013 06:42:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Sardar joined a new job. On the very first day he worked till late evening on the computer.
21897527thm.jpg
Boss was happy and asked him what he did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

10/10/2013 01:22:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


Jab Gabbar paida hua…



Jab Gabber paida hua to uski maan ne usse 3-4 thappad lagaye.
Gabber’s Father: Kya baat ho gayi?
Mother: Kambakht paida hote hi pooch raha tha KITNE AADMI THEY…

10/04/2013 01:31:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.
“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.”
Telephone call
Peter said, “But I could be dead by then!”
Receptionist replied, “No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment. “

10/01/2013 04:45:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
The doctor told a dumb blonde that if she ran 8 km. a day for 300 days, she would lose 34 kgs.
Fat Blonde
At the end of 300 days, the blonde called the doctor to report she had lost the weight, but she had a problem.
“What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.
“I’m 2400 km. from home.”

9/29/2013 12:38:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly." "OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?" "No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does." The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago." "You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."


9/28/2013 04:23:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


Leave the Habit of Complaning
complain department
Comments(0)| |




Laptop Birdhouse
laptop-birdhouse2.jpg
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Santa hanged to death by banta



Santa and banta singh were both in a mental hospital. Once they were walking past a swimming pool, santa suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.
Banta promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled santa out.
 hung.jpg
When the medical director became aware of banta’s heroic act, he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell banta the news he said, “Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged because since you were able to jump in and
Save the life of another patient, I think you’ve regained your senses. The bad news is santa, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
Then banta replied, “He didn’t hang himself. I put him there to dry.”

9/28/2013 07:48:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting Flies” He responded.
fly
Oh!, Killed any?” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females”, he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone”.

9/26/2013 09:44:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Banta mujra dekhne gaya, Sari raat mujra dekhta raha
Bai: Saheb humne aap ko khush kiya, Ab aap hamein khush karo.
bantadance.jpg
Toh banta utha aur khud nachne laga

9/24/2013 10:14:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A Priest dies & is waiting in line at heavens gate.

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, invdark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God to the guy : Who r u ?
Guy : I am a rickshaw driver from Pune.
God : Take this gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.

God to the Priest : Who r u ?
Priest : I am a priest & spent 40yrs preaching good to people.
God : Take this cotton robe and enter heaven.
Priest : God, how come that foul mouthed, rash driver gets a gold & I spent all my life preaching good get cotton.

God : Results, my son, results.
While you preached, people slept, when he drove, people really prayed...

“Its Performance, not Position that Counts !!”

9/16/2013 11:41:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
barber.jpg
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”

9/12/2013 04:33:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Post Master in a post office told to a woman,”You have to put another stamp on this letter as it is too heavy.
postofficemail.jpg
The woman replied, “How would an extra stamp make it lighter.”

9/05/2013 09:45:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »


What if the IT industry start making films ?



Computer programmar
Some future film titles will be like :-
1) Meri disk tumhare paas hai—Humara dil apke paas hai
2) Aao chat kare—Aao Pyar Kare
3) Programmer no.1—Coolie no.1
4) Mera naam developer—Mera naam joker
5) Java wale job le jayenge—Dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge

9/03/2013 02:55:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


MERA UTARNE KA STYLE HAI.



Sardarji : Motor bike se bade jor se aatein hai aur niche gir jate hai.
Public sab aakar uper uthake puchne lagte hai, “sardar ji kaise ho?“ Sardar : Arre arre chodo bhai aap logon ki dimag kharab ho gaya hai kya.
bike
YE MERA UTARNE KA STYLE HAI…

8/31/2013 06:33:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”
How you earned it
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

8/30/2013 07:41:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


As worse as it gets!!
A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.
63656587thm.jpg
I’ve been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it’s not only the passion, Dad, she’s pregnant.
Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, Chad
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call me when it is safe for me to come home!

Comments(2)| |




Missing wife



A man calls into the police station and says, “My wife is missing.”
The officer asks, “How long has she been gone?”
“A month.“
police-station.jpg
“Why did you wait so long to report it?”
“Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear.”

8/22/2013 07:53:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Husband : mere relatives ghar aa rahe hain, kuch bana lo...

Wife ne muh bana liya....

8/21/2013 09:41:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


You can be wrong
man
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Talking time clock



Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.

“What’s that brass gong for?” asked the friend.
wallcolck.jpg
“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” the drunk replied.
“A talking clock? How’s it work?”
“Watch this,” said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: “Hey, you jerk. It’s 3:00 in the morning!”

8/16/2013 10:36:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton."

8/15/2013 04:02:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?
 drunken.jpg
Woman: Yes, An Amazing Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

8/09/2013 01:40:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer”.
The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week”.
The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer”. Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week”.
Man on phone
The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, “I want to speak to my lawyer”.
“Excuse me sir, “the receptionist says, “but this is third time I’ve had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?”
The guy replies, “Because I love hearing it!”
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8/08/2013 07:12:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


Overweight solved



A lady is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to stop eating regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
Fat lady
When the lady returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The lady nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the lady.

8/06/2013 06:51:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A Philosopher is giving speech in a crowed, he told to the people, “Always listen to your wife as she gives 100% sound advice.”
sepeech.jpg
People from the crowed asked him, “Please Sir, tell in details how the wife gives 100% sound advice?”
The Philosopher replied, “99% sound and 1% advice.”

8/04/2013 08:18:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Sardar Santa Singh goes to a Udipi hotel to have something to eat. He orders a Masala Dosa.

The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see that Santa eats only the masala leaving the dosa behind.

Santa then orders for 1 plate Samosa. Again this time the waiter notices that Santa eats only the filling and not the shell.

Waiter is very curious. Santa next orders for Batata Vada. This time around also Santa eats only the filling and leaves the shell behind.

Waiter is losing his patience and walking upto Santa asks him, "Sardarji, aap dish ke under ka hi cheez kyon khaa rahe ho, kya baki cheez pasand nahi aaya..?"

Santa Singh says, "Arre bhaiyya, aisi baat nahi. Hamaari tabiyat kuch teekh nahi isliye doctor ne kaha ki baahar ka cheez mat khaya karo..."

8/04/2013 07:29:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
Second girl: No, it's imagination.

8/03/2013 03:44:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
What’s the difference between mickey mouse and computer mouse?
The tail of mickey mouse is at the back and that of the computer mouse is at the front!!

8/02/2013 09:26:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational
psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks
visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten greatgrandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living.
I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.
Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

8/01/2013 11:58:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Height Of Laziness

Dad to his adopted son--" what is the height of laziness..?? "

Son--" what else other than having an adopted son..dad..!!!

7/31/2013 10:26:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


That’s Strange



A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”
tomb stone
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, “That’s Strange.”

7/30/2013 08:58:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Ek baar ek Totaa (Bole to Parrot) Ud raha tha full speed par.
Uske saamne achanak full speed mein ek Ferrari aa rahi thi, dono ki takkar hui…
Totaa behosh hoga ya, raste mein ek bhikari tha usne Totaa ko uthaya aur ghar le gaya.
Parrot
Usko marham lagaya aur pinjare mein rakh diya.
Jab Totaa ko hosh aaya, usne apne aap ko pinjare mein dekha.
Aur bola, “Aalia … JAIL …. Woh Ferrari ka driver mar gaya kya ??

7/23/2013 10:32:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Science student: When my father sees my report card!

7/22/2013 03:02:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging to 3 different nations were traveling with their Trainee guys.
Ship
They started an argument on whose Trainee engineer had more guts. The American PM called for one of his man and told him to jump off and take a round swimming around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by saying, “See the guts!”
Now the German PM called out for one of his man and asked him to take two similar rounds around the moving ship.
The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, “See the guts!”
Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds.
The Trainee promptly replied, ” Why the hell should I ???”
The PM proudly said, “See the guts!”

    • |

7/21/2013 08:16:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »


Wife Vs Husband



A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word with each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
Couple in a car
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep ,” the wife replied, “In-laws.”

7/15/2013 04:22:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


Men After All!!
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord of river appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
20304195thm.jpg
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angeline Jolie “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.
“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is not true!”
The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Angelina Jolie , you would have come up with Cameroon Diaz . Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so that’s why I said yes to Angelina Jolie .”
Comments(2)| |




Going to the office



Husband : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
husband and wife
Husband : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”

7/12/2013 12:42:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it. Wife observes the whole episode. Again he comes and does the same stuff.
kitchen
Wife askes : Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies : Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.

7/12/2013 08:36:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
20932515thm.jpg
He is my kid,
and…. she is my kidney.

7/11/2013 07:19:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Boyfriend to Girlfriend: Darling main tumse shaadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.
chatting.jpg
Girlfriend: Tumhare ghar mein kaun kaun hai?
Boyfriend: Ek biwi aur 3 bacche…

7/10/2013 10:26:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

7/07/2013 06:56:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.

7/06/2013 09:49:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Q) Why aren't bananas ever lonely?
A) Because they come in bunches!

7/05/2013 09:16:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Wife was setting her FaceBook password & husband was sitting beside her.

Suddenly her husband fell down from chair n started rolling on floor laughing badly...
Because
Wife set the word ''BRAIN'' as her FaceBook password & computer replied
''TOO SHORT''

7/05/2013 02:09:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A little boy came home from his first day at kindergarten and said to his mother, 'What's the use of going to school ? I can't read, I can't write, and the teacher won't let me talk.'

6/27/2013 06:32:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?

A: Is that you coughin'?

6/19/2013 11:06:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Facepalm moment of the day:

Me to my maid:

"Wo kaan mein lagane wali taar pakadana, gaane sunne hai."

She:

"Headphones? Abhi deti hu."

6/09/2013 09:17:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.

The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"

Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"

The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

6/08/2013 09:26:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull him out with his tractor.
After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer, "At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day."
"Can't", replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole."

6/07/2013 08:20:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.

The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.

The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either."

6/04/2013 08:32:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

5/30/2013 08:29:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

5/28/2013 05:21:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

5/21/2013 02:26:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Superman, Santa Clause, and a blonde are walking along and see a dollar lying on the sidewalk.
Who picks it up first?
The blonde, because the other two don't exist!

5/20/2013 07:55:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
During a visit to the mental asylum, Guy asked the Director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand,' said Guy. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or teacup.
'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. (Pause.)
... Guy, do you want a bed near the window?'

5/19/2013 12:53:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Ek aurat ki bade shaher me naukari lag gai,
usne socha 'apne pati ko SMS kar du, taaki unhe chinta na ho'
.
Par
.
Usne
.
Galati se galat no. Par SMS bhej diya
jise ye MSG mila wo apni patni ka antim sanskaar kar ke laut raha thaa,
SMS padh te hi wo behosh ho gaya.
MSG kuch is tarah ka thaa......
.
....'mai sahi salamat pahuch gai hu,
yaha rahene ki b achhi suvidhaa hai,
aap chinta mat karna 1 - 2 din me aap ko bi bula lungi...'

5/19/2013 12:43:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to
tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

5/15/2013 08:45:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

5/14/2013 07:54:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Black Parrot
A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?"
"Africa," says the parrot.

5/13/2013 11:36:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.
His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

5/10/2013 08:30:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A priest at a parochial school, wanting to point out the proper behavior for church, was trying to elicit from the youngsters rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant."Don't play with your food," one second-grader cited."Don't be loud," said another, and so on."And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?" the priest inquired of one little boy.Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order something cheap."

5/01/2013 07:20:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."
"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg."

4/25/2013 06:51:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
The orthopedic surgeon Joe worked for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.
Joe sat the display skeleton in the front of his car, his bony arm across the back of his seat. Joe hadn’t considered the drive across town.
At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside him became obvious, and he looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”
The other driver leaned out of his window, “I hate to tell you,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

4/20/2013 09:02:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Husband: Raja Dasrath ki 3 Raniya thi..

Wife: To kya hua ?

Husband: To main 2 Shadiya aur kar sakta hu,

Wife: Dropdi ka naam suna hai?

Husband: Tu bhi na pagli DIL pe le leti hai:

4/19/2013 04:00:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner--Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."

"And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.

"Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?"

"I'm marrying a Russet!"

"A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride.

"Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"

As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement."

"And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato.

Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!"

"You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?"

"I'm marrying an Idaho!" beamed the middle daughter.

"An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"

Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make."

"Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.

"Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"

"Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?"

"I'm marrying Peter Jennings!"

"Peter Jennings?!" Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!"

4/18/2013 09:50:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”

4/11/2013 07:46:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »




College student writes home for money



Correspondence from son away at college to his father:
Dear Father,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
dad.jpg
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
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