8/31/2013 06:33:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”
How you earned it
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

8/30/2013 07:41:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


As worse as it gets!!
A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.
63656587thm.jpg
I’ve been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it’s not only the passion, Dad, she’s pregnant.
Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, Chad
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call me when it is safe for me to come home!

Comments(2)| |




Missing wife



A man calls into the police station and says, “My wife is missing.”
The officer asks, “How long has she been gone?”
“A month.“
police-station.jpg
“Why did you wait so long to report it?”
“Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear.”

8/22/2013 07:53:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Husband : mere relatives ghar aa rahe hain, kuch bana lo...

Wife ne muh bana liya....

8/21/2013 09:41:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


You can be wrong
man
Comments(3)| |




Talking time clock



Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.

“What’s that brass gong for?” asked the friend.
wallcolck.jpg
“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” the drunk replied.
“A talking clock? How’s it work?”
“Watch this,” said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: “Hey, you jerk. It’s 3:00 in the morning!”

8/16/2013 10:36:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton."

8/15/2013 04:02:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?
 drunken.jpg
Woman: Yes, An Amazing Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

8/09/2013 01:40:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer”.
The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week”.
The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer”. Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week”.
Man on phone
The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, “I want to speak to my lawyer”.
“Excuse me sir, “the receptionist says, “but this is third time I’ve had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?”
The guy replies, “Because I love hearing it!”
Comments(5)| |




Pages (353): « 1 [2] 3 4 5 » ... Last »
Receive the best jokes...

Tired of all those crappy, "not so funny" old jokes? We have gone through thousands of jokes and selected only the funniest ones which will definitely make you laugh your ass off.
Simply fill and submit the form below and receive the hilarious jokes every week in your email:

Name:
Email:


Random Jokes


Categories

Other Links

8/08/2013 07:12:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »


Overweight solved



A lady is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to stop eating regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
Fat lady
When the lady returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The lady nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the lady.

8/06/2013 06:51:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A Philosopher is giving speech in a crowed, he told to the people, “Always listen to your wife as she gives 100% sound advice.”
sepeech.jpg
People from the crowed asked him, “Please Sir, tell in details how the wife gives 100% sound advice?”
The Philosopher replied, “99% sound and 1% advice.”

8/04/2013 08:18:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Sardar Santa Singh goes to a Udipi hotel to have something to eat. He orders a Masala Dosa.

The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see that Santa eats only the masala leaving the dosa behind.

Santa then orders for 1 plate Samosa. Again this time the waiter notices that Santa eats only the filling and not the shell.

Waiter is very curious. Santa next orders for Batata Vada. This time around also Santa eats only the filling and leaves the shell behind.

Waiter is losing his patience and walking upto Santa asks him, "Sardarji, aap dish ke under ka hi cheez kyon khaa rahe ho, kya baki cheez pasand nahi aaya..?"

Santa Singh says, "Arre bhaiyya, aisi baat nahi. Hamaari tabiyat kuch teekh nahi isliye doctor ne kaha ki baahar ka cheez mat khaya karo..."

8/04/2013 07:29:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
Second girl: No, it's imagination.

8/03/2013 03:44:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
What’s the difference between mickey mouse and computer mouse?
The tail of mickey mouse is at the back and that of the computer mouse is at the front!!

8/02/2013 09:26:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational
psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks
visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten greatgrandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living.
I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.
Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

8/01/2013 11:58:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Height Of Laziness

Dad to his adopted son--" what is the height of laziness..?? "

Son--" what else other than having an adopted son..dad..!!!
Newer Posts
Older Posts
Web Analytics